LZ0291 Draft: Fluttercruel's Best Pet

Note: Like the earlier upload of my draft of Canterlot Chaos, this deviation is a second draft that was submitted to, and ultimately edited by, Alexwarlorn and this time also by Kendell2 into a more detailed, more complete, and generally better story, 'Cruel's Best Pet.

The purpose of this and the other uploads of my draft are to allow anyone interested to compare and contrast the improvements and changes made to it since it left my hands. I've tried to list as many of them as possible in Artists Comments below along with a few other notes.

---

"I thought you knew. You didn't know? She didn't know?" Fluttershy said.

I, on the other hoof, groaned.

'Of course she didn't know, featherbrain! She spends most of her day napping.'

'Shy ignored me however, too busy fretting about letting down Rainbow Dash. Pinkie however was explaining, and I decided to take a look outside while 'Shy was freaking out. The Pink One

"We were totally gonna invite you, Rainbow, then Twilight remembered that you don't even have a pet..."

Making bringing her to a pet playdate dumb. I don't have a pet but I don't have much of a choice in the matter of course. Maybe she should have brought that orange filly....

"...and Rarity remembered that you really like to take naps in the afternoon..."

'See?'

'Shy ignored me in favour of more mental fretting.

'Please don't be mad at us please don't be mad at us....'

"...so Applejack figured you wouldn't be missing out on anything anyway, and Fluttershy and I nodded our heads in agreement like this. "

I was staring right at Pinkie at the time, but my co-habitant of the Flutter-body wasn't all there.

'Please don't be mad at us EEK WHAT'S THAT?!'

I thought fast before Fluttershy took control back and screamed. Not as fast as I could have, but this was better that 'Shy screaming out loud because somepony has no definition of 'individual space'.

"Please don't be mad at us!" I said to everypony else, hoping it sounded like 'Shy.

Neither of us was really in charge enough to stop our head moving back and forth, but there were more pressing matters.

'Calm down, it's just Pinkie grabbing you. Me. Us.'

'It... It is?'

Rainbowhead was replying at the same time.

"...Not much point of a Pony Pet Playdate for me if I'm a pony without a pet, right?"

"Eeexactly. So, if'n you'll excuse us... " Applejack replied to her.

Insensitive. I like it.

Everypony got down to business playing with the animals, 'Shy naturally just watched Angel run around... in circles?

You brought him to the park to run around in circles in an area smaller than our kitchen table?

That's it. I want a pet Honey Badger. Yeah. They're crazy....

"Hey, now wait a minute! Just because I don't have a pet now..." Dash began to say.

'Isn't she called Scoopapoo?' I snarked.

'Sssh!' 'Shy scolded me.

"...It doesn't mean I never want a pet!" Dash finished.

Oh horseapples. I know where this is going.

"Oh! Y-y-oh really?" Fluttershy said.

Just for your information, sharing a body with somepony who just became more excited than a cat in a silo full of catnip is not much fun when it happens without much time to brace.

"You really want a pet? Really? 'cause I've got so many wonderful choices at my house."

But no Honey Badgers!

"Oh, and I know you'll just love them, and they'll love you, oh! And you'll be best friends forever and ever! Oh!"

She then began to drag, quite literally drag, Rainbow Dash back to our house. She took off eventually, but I could tell Dash wasn't enjoying the ride.

"Uh, Fluttershy? Can you let me fly by myself?" Dash asked.

"Oh, there's... Oh, sorry. I'm just so excited!" She gave out a little excited squeaking noise as Dash was freed.

"Oh, there's so many pets that might work for you... Oh...."

Fluttershy then descended into excited rambling, both inside and out. Dash seemed to zone her out.

'Oh, she might want a kitty... Or a puppy. Or a birdy....'

'Honey Badger' I suggested.

"...Oh, maybe a... no, wait, what about a..."

'A beehive!' Shy thought suddenly.

'NO, NOT THE BEES!'

Honey Badger, not Honey Makers!

'Oh, there's so many different pets that would be great for Rainbow and that Rainbow would be great with! Ohmygoshohmygosh this is so exciting! So many of the animals want to be pets and this is just so so super I, I... Yay!'

I'd had enough. This was too much.

''Shy, can I ask for a little warning next time before you go crazy, please!' I moaned without really thinking.

Almost instantly, she seemed to deflate. She cut herself off mid-babble outside and in, enough for even Rainbow Crash, a pony who could accuse mountains of 'coming out of nowhere' to see it.

I'd messed up big.

"Uh, Fluttershy? Are you okay?" She asked as she landed. The house was barely twenty metres away.

'Fluttershy?' I asked as well.

She was silent.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that like that! Think about the pets! Rainbow's pet!' I tried desperately.

"...The pets..." She said outside.

"What about them? Is something wrong?" Dash said.

'Yes, the pets! Just think pets! Not bad things, pets! Please?'

She shook our head.

"...It's, um, it's fine. I guess I just... I was just a little too excited. I... I really want to..."

I sighed.

'I'll explain it. Just calm down a little...'

"It was my fault. I said something stupid. I'm sorry." I said.

Rainbow's eyes narrowed.

"Fluttercruel?"

"Yeah. Who else would it be?" I said almost automatically until I remembered that Dash seemed to be annoyed with me for upsetting 'Shy.

"Well, try and think before you speak will you?" She said

"That is how I speak to her! Well, unless there's a mirror handy... What I mean is that it's a little difficult sometimes to watch what I say."

"Whatever. She's okay though, right?"

I nodded, even though I wasn't actually sure.

'You're okay, right?'

'I... I'm okay. I should have been thinking you'd not like me talking so much like that...'

"As long as she's okay. Put her back in charge though. No offence, but I don't want you suggesting a pet for me. You'd give me a pit viper or something..."

"Honey Badger." I said.

"...Really? Those are kind of cool. Have you guys got a honey badger?"

"No." I sighed, and let 'Shy take over again as we went around the back. She seemed to be back to excited a little, but far more subdued, as all the animals sprang out to meet her. I zoned out a little, remembering when we'd first 'met', Dash had been pretty suspicious of me...

And then I felt 'Shy really perk up. Wait. Is she...

"Now, Rainbow my dear, I cannot express my delight..."

She is.

'Okay, I'm out of here.'

Abandon ship! Please find a band on the ship and please make them play death metal instead of the song these two are going to sing!

Oh no...

I've nowhere to run.

---

Whilst I had mentally covered my ears to no avail and tried to think happy thoughts, it just didn't work. The cheerfulness of the song seemed to penetrate right into my mind so my daydream of convincing 'Shy to reduce the carrot ration for the bunnies somehow turned into us baking them all a carrot cake each.

"And may the best pet win!" Rainbow Dash said.

'Is it over? Can I come out now?' I cautiously asked.

'Yes, we've stopped.'

Phew.

'So, did she pick one?'

'Not yet. She's wanting to have tryouts.'

Meanwhile, Rainbow was talking, as we stared off into space like Derpy on a good day.

"Okay, uh, Fluttershy, can you bring, say, a dozen or so to the town square that might fit the bill so we can have tryouts?"

"Certainly, Rainbow Dash! We'll bring them along shortly!"

Dash nodded, and flew off.

"So... Angel, 'Cruel, what do you think we should take? You both pick out four?"

Angel pointed at a Falcon, an Eagle, and a Hummingbird, plus a brown duck.

I took control for a second to point at...

"...A Flamingo, a Toucan and an Neighsian Giant Hornet? We have those but no Honey Badgers?! This sucks on ice!"

'Just pick four out.' 'Shy gently instructed as the three creatures in question backed up nervously.

"...Those three and that duck."

'But Angel already picked that one.'

"The other duck." I pointed at the green and grey one.

"Oh... Right, that duck. Uh, okay. Add the Ladybug, the Owl, the Bat and the Monarch Butterfly." 'Shy took control back, then something nudged us on the hind leg.

It was a turtle. Or a tortoise. Either way it gave me an idea...

"Oh? Do you want to come and try too?" 'Shy asked.

It slowly nodded.

'You realise he's completely the opposite of what Dash wants, right?'

"But he looks so desperate to try..."

'Oh, I know, I think he should have a go at least....'

If I was in control I'd have grinned. This should be fun...

Watching as Fluttershy began to round the animals up and politely lead them into town wasn't, so I decided to zone out a little again...  I need to think of better daydreams in case there's any more singing in future.

---

When I opened my 'eyes' to the present, Rainbow Dash already had her competitors lined up. And sure enough, we were moving forward so 'Shy could recommend a certain shelled competitor.

"Now, you just pay attention, and try your best, and..."

"Seriously, Fluttershy! The turtle? What did you bring that thing here for?"

Hey! Don't diss the turtle! You'll hurt his feelings!

Heh heh heh.

I mean, uh...

"Technically he's a tortoise, and he's always dreamed of being somepony's pet. He just wants a chance to compete, he won't get in the way. You won't even know he's here. " 'Shy clarified.

Ah, so it's a tortoise.

Yep. She won't know he's there because the rest are gonna make him eat their dust. And not some crazy thing Pinkie made up.

The turtle blinked slowly. Dash just stared at him with a 'what the buck' expression.

"No." She said.

"Oh, just let him try!" 'Shy begged.

"But there's no way he can possibly keep up. Look at him! "

And that's why it's funny, Dash. That's why it's funny.

'Shy kept up her pleading, and in the end she gave in. She warned him the games weren't games, making me glad I wasn't in control at the time. She them demanded what I and Twilight Sparkle would call five things.

"Speed, agility, guts, style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness. " Dash said.

"Aren't those all the same thing?" Twilight Sparkle said.

Again, lucky I wasn't in control. Mostly because all I was coming up with just didn't work. Dash might get the wrong idea about me saying something like 'your face is coolness, awesomeness and radicalness.'

We moved along, heading for a small race track. Fluttershy seemed to notice something at this point.

"Where's Trixie?"

"Oh, she's still freaking out a little over the festival. She's got an idea for her magic act but she wants it better than perfect. Still, at least she's got her plan now, if she was still worried about coming up with an idea it'd be a lot worse..." Twilight answered without actually saying where Trixie was.

'I guess she's in the library?' I wondered.

'Probably.' 'Shy replied.

We reached the little racecourse. Rather obviously, Dash wanted to test the speed of her potential pets.

I just sat back figuratively and watched the fun. By the end of it though...

'Our little turtle hasn't even crossed the line...' I said, trying not to sound too amused.

'Tortoise.' 'Shy corrected.

Whatever.

"That's just sad." Dash muttered.

Sadlarious.

We then moved onto agility testing, heading for a bunch of things Dash hadn't even built yet. She seemed to be struggling with some of the poles and stands.

"...Uh, y'all maybe need a helping hoof there?" Applejack offered.

"We could lend a horn as well." Rarity suggested, earning a nod from Twilight.

"Ooh! Ooh! Don't let me help! We'll all die!" Pinkie said.

There was a moment where all six others, and all thirteen potential pets, gave her a look.

"I'm just saying!"

Once it was done and everyone had put some distance between them and Pinkie during the work, just in case, Dash deemed the course to be sufficiently awesome.

"Okay, thanks for helping, Everypony. I might need a hand later as well, that cool?"

Everypony nodded.

"And me and the Flutters will stay out of the way!" Pinkie said with a smile.

I however had an idea.

'Saaaay, 'Shy. I have an idea. What's Rainbow planning to do to test out how brave these pets are?'

'Oh, uh... I'm not sure. I think she was going to set up a haunted house.'

...Given that setting up a bunch of obstacles on poles had given her trouble, I doubted her haunted house was ready. I had a mental image of her looking for a cool spot to build the house on for three hours.

'Well, I can think of something much faster to set up...'

And so I laid the plan to Fluttershy, and she duly let me take it to Dash, who agreed it would be quicker. So did Rarity.

Eventually, Dash's obstacle course was done with minimal casualties thanks to Pinkie not helping.. Everypony looked at the handywork.

"Agility!" Dash said, even though we all knew since we'd been waiting there or helping build her obstacle course.

In this one, the turtletoise had been deemed the 'opposite of agile.' My plan was still working... And I was certain the next stage would work out too. The others had varying skill and agility, but that butterfly crashed. Not too strange, but it really should have made it...

"I'll go ahead and make sure she's ready for you, Dash!" Rarity said as Dash was tallying the scores for this round, and she trotted off.

The winner was the Hummingbird, but she shaved a point off when it failed to high-hoof her. With one of the wings it had to use flying. Even I thought that was a little cruel, but it still won the course by a good margin, and we were on our way.

And the next part of my little plan was on the way too. I decided to sit back again... Even without any good daydreams invented, I decided to work on that. Hm, maybe installing a cat-proof fence around a bumper crop of catnip...

---

I was snapped from the daydreaming by a mental nudge from Fluttershy. It seemed my little scheme was bearing fruit. Fitting I was pondering catnip...

"Which of you has the guts to try and get Opal's favorite toy away from her?" Dash said to the potentials.

Out came the cat of doom. I'm convinced she has Wolverine heritage. Maybe even Honey Badger.

I wonder if that's even possible?

The pets naturally, were terrified of the ball of furry claws and death that was Rarity's little whatever sickeningly cure nickname she gave it was.  Anyway, the end of it was that they were frozen with fear....all except the butterfly. It just flew forward, while I watched  and...

...I could only think that what it did was very odd. Impressive, but odd. It seemed to hypnotise the cat. I wasn't aware that was a skill common to butterflies. Even fairly large ones.

I could see Twilight out of the corner of our eye. At first she was as impressed as Dash was, and then she frowned.

"Fluttershy... About that butterfly..." She began, and 'Shy turned us to face her. Just in time to hear a clattering and an angry meow.

We looked back to see the turtle had nudged Opal's basket over. The angry possible-wolverine-in-disguise leapt upon the hapless reptile and began fruitlessly clawing his shell.  It resembled an army of ponies with daggers trying to bring down a castle. Something would happen at some point, but it was probably going to involve a bucket of something being poured over the attackers. Water, oil, I wasn't fussed in either scenario.

Dash, however, simply walked off without any comment.

"...Fluttercruel? You suggested using Opal, didn't you?" Twilight challenged.

I was given the chance to answer by 'Shy.

"....I might have."

Twilight sighed.

"Rarity's going to be furious if Opal breaks a claw you know. And what would happen if she'd attacked another pet?"

We shrugged.

"She'd need to get used to the other pet eventually if Dash is joining the pony pet playwhatvers."

I stood back and 'Shy finished up.

"She's right, Twilight. It's kind of cruel but that's just nature. Cats are predatory animals."

"...So this was actually a sensible test? What was Dash going to do originally?"

"A haunted house I think."

Twilight seemed to groan.

"I dread to think what kind of things she'd call scary."

Dash however wasn't listening to us. I was paying attention to her though, in case the next madcap test was another time-waster.

"Okay, Rarity, gonna need your help again. Next contest: Style!"

...I'm outta here. That thought about the castles seems like good daydream material....

---

I frowned mentally. The daydream had gone fine then suddenly the ponies getting soaked by buckets of water from the battlements had brought up party cannons and happy howitzers. I therefore came back to find that the tortoise had failed the last test while Dash was flying off towards...

"...Where is she going?" I asked. I'd missed whatever her next plan was, it seemed.

Rarity shrugged.

"I have no idea. Let's just follow her."

I spotted our forlorn little turtle...

'Hey, 'Shy.... Don't you feel a little sad for that turtle?'

"Tortoise."

'Whatever. Point is, I think Dash might have made an unfair assumption. He can be a pet for her...  We should take him with us.'

This should be fun. Seeing Dash have to put him in. Maybe it'll even win.

That would be hilarious.

Turtles can't fly, after all...

Ooh, new daydream material. Did you know Griffons used to use turtles like weapons? They used to just drop them to try and break the shells but they soon learned they were pretty tough. So instead they just dropped them onto the heads of other things...

Heh heh, take that, ponies attacking the castle. You're shelling the fort, well, now the fort is shelling you!

---

By the time I was 'awake' again, we were at a finish line watching the Falcon approach. Time seemed to pass at strange lengths when I daydreamed. It had barely been a few minutes in the memory... and now we were way out in the countryside. At least twenty minutes from Ponyville, I guessed, and I had no idea how long we had been waiting here.

"Yeah, he sucks at consistency. It's over soon though." Pinkie suddenly blurted out.

"...What?" Applejack asked.

"The owl. Haven't you noticed he keeps having short bursts of speed instead of a level race?"

'Hey, where are we now?' I asked, ignoring Pinkie's observations

'Ghastly Gorge. Rainbow raced her pets through it to decide the winner. She was going to lead the pack in.'

That was most of the tests at once if I remembered right. We'd flown down here looking for a missing bunny last week.

Those poor Quarray Eels. They got stared so hard when they gave us trouble.

Wait, they weren't poor at all. They deserved it! Plotholes!

The winners approached. The Falcon crossed the line, then the Eagle. The Bat and the Owl brought up the rear, but everypony seemed to be nervous.

"Something's not right here..." Twilight said, raising binoculars.

I knew what wasn't right. I barged my way in behing the binoculars.

"...Where's Rainbow Dash?"

Applejack then barged in too.

"...Great galloping galoshes! There's been an avalanche in there!"

'Silly Applejack, that's snow.  Avalanches are snow. That's a landslide....' I thought.

Wait.

'A LANDSLIDE?!'  

Everyone else was concerned as well.  Fluttershy just started quietly mumbling something even I couldn't make out.

"Wait, look!" Pinkie shouted. Despite not having binoculars.

"It's the turtle!" I said, quickly looking through them.

"TORTOISE!" Everyone shouted.

"...Whatever."

"And he's carrying something on his back..." Twilight noted.

It was, of course, Rainbow Dash. I relaxed a little, relieved. Dash had given me a scare a week back but I didn't want to see her get hurt... I'd just been playing a prank on the tortoise. Still it would have been funny if it had won...

"...But I said whoever crosses the finish line with me gets to be my pet." Dash said, breaking me out of my little funk.

Wait.

That means.... She has a pet that can't fly!

I stopped laughing in our head eventually. 'Shy was not too happy.

---

We'd went to the library for something, possibly to get Dash some books on tortoise care to completely ignore. I was too busy basking in the comedy. Of all the possible pets...

The next day, Fluttershy was going to meet Dash to see if she had any more questions. Possibly questions like 'how do I stop a tortoise from falling out of a house made of clouds?'

He's tough. He'd bounce.

"Rainbow Dash?" Are you and Tank in?" Fluttershy shouted at the cloud-house

I really don't get the name. What's a tank meant to be anyway? A water tank?  Weird.

"Yeah, there in a sec, 'Shy."

Ah, she probably had to hold onto him all night...

Oh.

That's not fair.

Twilight built him some sort of flying thing!

---

My fun was ruined, but 'Shy and Dash simply watched Tank fly like a brick. He had a dumb name and a dumb fun-ruining flying propeller hat thing.

"Uh, 'Shy? I kinda... I've got a little question about Tank. He... Okay, he's tough. I doubt a volcanic eruption would stop him..."

Sure can't slow him down then. One is his top and only speed...

"...But... How long has he got? He looks kind of... old."

We both laughed at that. Me and 'Shy.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash. He'll probably outlive you..." 'Shy began.

"...After all, tortoises can live for over a hundred years!" I finished.

Dash blinked, then smiled

"That's good to know!"

Then she took on a serious face.

"But for future reference you two finishing each other's sentences is creepy as hay."

I smiled.

"I know."