Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Sam was a self-proclaimed master hypnotist, having plied the trade since a young age. Male or Female, believer or non-believer, Sam could put them under.

The girl next door? Easy. College room-mate? Feeling sleepy right away. Best friend? Chicken dance the minute someone says "kumquat souffle". Annoying little cousins? Nice and calm the whole weekend of unwanted babysitting. Lovers? Well, with their permission and consent, of course, there was total dominance. Cop trying to issue a speeding ticket? Well, not that time, but with a lesser sense of ethics it would have been a done deal, and a couple of hundred dollars saved.

Sam could sometimes even get someone under just with a look in their eyes to start it off. A little element of control and then something else to really drive it home. Fob watch, crystal on a pendulum (unusually using the reflection of light as a cue to take people under as it swung), sometimes even having the subject hand over a necklace they wore and using that. No one had ever taken more than a minute to go under and be completely controlled by the hypnotist.

Well, except one person. There was one girl Sam couldn't put under, even though she was a willing subject who wanted to go under since the day Sam had started the hobby that grew into a job. Everything was tried over the years, and as the girl became a woman Sam just couldn't get her under.  Eye contact, she could break it off just for a split second at times. She could ruin it blinking. And as for the pendulum, she could fail to track it, all too often, to her frustration.

The girl as she was now was a tall brunette, with rather average looks and physique overall. Not quite athletic but not fat or overweight either. She didn't spend all that much time on her looks, because she seemed to be satisfied with how she looked with only a little effort. Not really traditionally attractive, Sam knew, but to the hypnotist she was the most important person in the world.  It wasn't love, not by a long shot. The main cause was the simple fact she was the only one Sam had never managed to get hypnotised and under control.

Even enlisting the aid of other hypnotists was of no help. The girl had been going to the professionals before Sam called them colleagues and associates instead, but it was clear none of them could do it.

"You are feeling sleepy..."

"Um, I'm afraid I'm really not."

Even trying to see what the source of the immunity was proved fruitless.

"Perhaps you're expecting something else from this?" One fellow hypnotist had said to her.

"What is there to expect? I've been told so often. You're supposed to feel relaxed, and then grow more and more content until you're asleep with eyes open. The subconcious is all that's listening and you're able to implant the commands. But no matter what we do I'm never relaxed!"

Sam tried almost everything. Comfy locations, relaxing music, warm tea, scented candles, afterglows of massages, and despite Sam's own worries, trying a medicinal-approach that failed just like all the rest. Relaxing under the gaze of the hypnotist never came.

In the end it was an epiphany of sorts. Frustration. The goal had been tried so much for so long that the problem was one of expectation. Sam had expected to be fast, the girl expected to go under fast, and failure led to frustration and sealed a certain addition to the many "no" results that had gone under.

And so it was that Sam tried once more. Hypnotist and subject both lowered expectations. A long stretch was the goal, and trying to be composed and patient.

"Look into my eyes..." Sam whispered, eyes locked with the girls.

"...Look deeper and deeper..."

The girl started straight back, eyes starting to go a little glassy as the pendulum began to swing.

"Follow the crystal. See the light shimmer as it swings. It relaxes you. It interests you. Focus on the crystal, as you feel sleepier...."

Back and forth. Glint Glint Glint.

"You feel relaxed and calm. The crystal calms you. The light relaxes you. The crystal calms you. You feel relaxed and calm..."

Glint Glint Glint. Relaxed and Calm.

"Relaxed, calm, following my voice. Following the voice speaking in your head now. You're calm. You're relaxed. You're so calm you could sleep..."

She was starting to slump a little, but still held upright, still held Sam's gaze, still followed the crystal.

And then it finally happened. Sam could feel it. She was under, she was relaxed, and open. The pendulum stopped and Sam held a gaze with glassy eyes.

"When you hear the sound of fingers snapping, you will awaken. When you hear me say the words 'red banana fishsticks', you will re-enter this state of trance, and leave it again after one minute if no time is specified beforehand. You will be awoken soon, and when you are, you are to stand up, walk out of the room, and read the note on the door aloud. Waking up now, waiting for that sound, those fingers snapping, listening out for the..."


The girl blinked, but found herself standing and walking right away. She left the room, and then read the note the hypnotist had placed.

"Congratulations! At last, you went under! Now you're not the only one on Earth that won't go under. And at long last you're in complete control, Sam! P.S, don't forget to switch off the MP3 player back in the room when you stop reading this note."

Sam blinked, and then grinned. She'd finally conquered the impossible subject, and now, she could put herself under any time she wanted!

Well, just as soon as she stopped the MP3 player...
A contest entry for :iconda-entranced:, very late I'm afraid, and pretty short. I had ideas with fan characters, but the more I tried them the more I realised I had too much story and too little hypnosis. I was too busy trying to think of ways to make it work to get character X under and look strong-willed, too busy wondering what else I could add other than hypnosis. Too busy trying to think of ways to balance the time to write a few different ideas. And too many chefs spoiled the broth.

So I decided to be different entirely. Only give it one idea. Go original, and go for something a bit more minimalist. Write it fairly close to the time to give a little pressure on myself.

The outcome is short and hopefully sweet, and maybe even a nice twist ending assuming I haven't telegraphed it too badly.

I've got no chance anyway but exploring a different approach to writing was interesting at least, and it was a little bit more relaxing to just be patient and conservative with it all. :)
Add a Comment:
VG-MC Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
Rereading this, it really was brilliant.
LZ0291 Featured By Owner May 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
LexLucas Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Nice short story with a clever twist that made me re-read it. The language you use to avoid the reveal makes it a teeny bit awkward, but not too drastically. :P

I'd have liked to hear a little more about Sam's intentions for the girl, but it's left nicely open ended.
HyperShadic123 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
Gah! I actually didn't get it until I read the comments! :iconshameplz:
Saikotsunami Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
Nicely done. I wouldn't say you've got no chance, you did really well with the unexpected twist, and the hypnosis was believable. Sometimes short and sweet trumps long and drawn out. Anyway, best of luck to you.
LZ0291 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Saikotsunami Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
You're welcome.
BluRider Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Professional Writer
Haha - I didn't get it at first. That's a really clever twist! =)

Well done. You've delivered an unexpectedly neat little package. At first I was disappointed at the length, but within this short space you have managed what few others could pull off. Good job!
LZ0291 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. Sorry I couldn't make anything longer but not much else really seemed satisfactory. I may try polish up some of the ideas at a later date but I doubt they'd have been contest quality with what I'd got done when trying. :)
godzillahomer Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012
so if I'm reaing this right, Sam was trying to hypnotize herself, using a recording and a mirror
LZ0291 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Correct :)
godzillahomer Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
hopefully for Sam no one every finds out her phrase
Add a Comment:

:iconlz0291: More from LZ0291

Featured in Collections

Sexy hypnosis by deathtim

Hypnosis Stories by imurmaster71

More MC Stories by solddate

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
October 14, 2012
File Size
5.8 KB
Submitted with


11 (who?)